How I feel today…

Today is the first day of school for my son.

Today is the first day I am alone.

Bittersweet…

This word never really made sense to me until right now. It’s painful rolling off my tongue. I know he is a good boy. I know he will have fun. I know that this day will never repeat itself. I know I did my best. and yet my heart is hurting.

This is us me and Gus at the bus stop this morning. My sweet daughter took this photograph of us, don’t even get me started on how amazing she was for me today, my little big lady…love you  “B”..she let him have his thunder, let him stay closer to me, let me give him more attention today without a pause…she is my girl that I have given such a huge responsibility today, to bring my baby boy back home to me.

Nothing else matters, just the love you have. My love is full of wonderful people, people that are related and people that are friends…but these two people just so happen to be people I made.

I run every morning when I get a chance. I used to run with my son in a jogging stroller , he was my buddy not once did he ever complain about the sun wind or even the rain. Today I ran alone. I ran hard. I ran fast. I used the sadness the fear the loss of control over which may or may not happen to him today to propel my legs. My path just so happens to lead me right past his school…by the time I got their everyone was safe inside, happy and playing that’s what I told myself…and as soon as I turned the corner my vision became blury…I lost sight of my focus …I sweat alot while running and sometimes is gets into my eyes, today mixed with that sweat were my tears…

I am not a smothering mother, but I love my kids more then anything in the whole world. They make me laugh, the hug me for real, they give me hope and they teach me courage. Kids see life so differently, and everything I do with them has more meaning more flavor. They are honest they tell me my breath is bad or that I am shouting…they take their small little hands and wipe my tears when they see me crying…

Funny this blog is my outlet for scrapbooking, but my scrapbooking is about my life. Today in less than one hour, I put my son on a bus, sent him to school, ran, cried..and shared this with you…

Thank you for listening about how I feel today.

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2 thoughts on “How I feel today…

  1. Danielle Pearce says:

    Monica!! – I love your blog about his first day of school! – Your SSSHH told me to check out your pictures you posted on your website and here I am, I have to comment!!! .. You brought tears to me eyes. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt the other day but you expressed everything so perfect in your blog, and the picture of your two gems together is so sweet. Hope all is well, and congrats on getting through the first couple of days of school! Looking forward to seeing you soon! XOX Danielle

    • Thank you Danielle,
      I enjoy blogging very much, once I get into the zone of how I am feeling I just type away.
      I am better now almost a full week later, but letting your small one get on a big bus is not easy!
      Big hug right back at you!
      Monica

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